Since my last post on Facebook and my recent blog entry (How Facebook taught me to keep a secret), friends and family have been coming out of the woodwork to express concern, and to inquire why I'm about to leave the giant Social Networking site. Hopefully this note will help to illuminate things.
Just to be sure, I want to clarify that my reasons for leaving are not intended to be *your* reasons for leaving. I'm not here to convince anyone that my path is the right one for you. If you wish to leave Facebook as a result of my intentions and rationalizations for doing so, then you're more than welcome to come with me. I post this note so that the curious people out there, will perhaps understand my reasons for departure even if they don't agree with them.
You can probably categorize my reasons into 2 basics groups.
1. I no longer trust facebook with my info
2. I am no longer addicted to Facebook and as such it has lost it's lustre
Trust
As you can imagine, Facebook didn't loose my trust overnight. It has been an ongoing process over the last 3 or 4 years. Slowly but surely Facebook has been taking away my privacy, and has been constantly forcing me to "opt out" if I want to maintain some of that control. It started out fine and Facebook promised that only the information I wanted to share would be made available to those interested in looking at it. I signed up for Facebook and I was pretty happy with the way things were going. Slowly but surely, that ability to control my information has eroded away. Now, almost 4 years later, the privacy that facebook promised me, is no longer the same. In my last post I referred to it as a classic "bait-n-switch" tactic. Wouldn't you know it, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Check out this article by Dan Tynan who talks about this exact thing, but puts words to it better than I.
It's been pointed out to me by my cousin Angie, that perhaps my misgivings are a result of being from Generation X. Anyone born before 1981 might not feel the same way as I do and they probably don't care about their privacy in the same way either. Their attitudes are cavalier towards their personal information and those who can access it. Certainly I can see evidence of this by the rampant propensity of teens to try their hand at Sexting. If they can reveal that much about themselves and not worry about who gets their hands on it, why would they care if some corporate non-entity found out their email address or knows that they live in Wetaskawin. That kind of information is peanuts compare to what they share in a sex text with their friends.
Of course I'm generalizing here and I realize that not all teens participate in sexting and certainly not all teens are unfazed by having an open account on Facebook. There are tons of teens that have sexted and have since come to learn the folly of doing so. Ironically it has been Facebook that has shown some of them what it means to be so 'exposed'. In fact there have been at least 1 or 2 suicides that have resulted from kids realizing that they have shared too much of themselves when pictures have found their way to facebook. Some have even been the victim of online bullying through Facebook especially since it's so easy to voice an opinion online and be criticized for it as a result. Again I generalize, but I think many teens are realizing that they need to have an inner monologue and that saying things online can really get you into trouble at school. Yes many people that have come after my generation do not see privacy as a big deal, but I think I can chalk some of that up to lack of life experience.
A friend of mine who recently commited 'Facebook Suicide' and deleted her account, has told me that her own teenage son has killed his Facebook account of his own volition. Certainly observing his mom's concern for her privacy (and Facebooks lack of concern for it) was a catalyst, but she assures me the decision was his own. He might be one example, but I have to believe that there are more like him that are catching on to the need for privacy. So it makes me think that perhaps once the next generation realizes what is at stake here, they might be more inclined to shelter their data. I think once you get burned a couple of times, then you become more likely to want to protect yourself. I haven't been severely burned by facebook yet, but I've around the block often enough to realize that I don't have to put my hand in fire to know that it burns.
Over the months I've read articles that have started to peek under the rug at Facebook and these articles are starting to show what is underneath. These next couple of articles don't seem to have any concrete proof to back them up but if they are true, then it really reveals what corporate culture at Facebook might actually be like. In the first article, the author claims to have a snippet of a text conversation between Zuckerberg and college friend of his. Wow is all I can say.
The second one is an article that claims to have captured part of an interview between an anonymous Facebook employee and a Facebook user. There's nothing to substaniate this one either, but if true, it is a very telling conversation. Are these the kind of people you want to trust with your data?
This last link actually seems to have some data behind it. It shows a graph that indicates how much of your data was private in 2006. If you click on the years in the right hand side of the graph, you can see the gradual progression of what has been opened up to the public and how much of your data is still protected.
Sure, Facebook is free to it's users, but our voice is really small when it comes to having a say in what gets shared with the public. I no longer have enough protection and control over what I share on Facebook. I guess that means if I don't like it, then it's time for me to walk out the door. Which is what I'm planning on doing.
Addiction
If it wasn't for the fact that I am finally loosing my addiction to facebook, the privacy concerns would have had a tough time pushing me over the edge. I admit that I used to be constantly checking my facebook account. It would be open all the time and I would be constantly refreshing to see if anyone had posted anything new for me to read or comment on. With over 200+ friends on Facebook, there would literally be something going on all the time for me to interact with. That's when I realized that it was the interaction with people that I was craving. It wasn't facebook. I just loved being able to have cool and interesting conversations with people. Facebook just provided me with a convenient medium to do that. Friends and family would fuel my need by letting me know they "liked" what I posted. Sometimes they didn't like it and I would find myself in a good discussion about why I was wrong about something (further fueling my need to prove that I was actually right - and thus contributing more to the topic at hand). It's funny how often I'm wrong. lol If my family and friends were not around then there were tons of special interest groups that I could join and chat with people on topics that I had some affinity for.
I also found that it was fun catching up with people I hadn't talked to in 20 or more years. Our 20 year highschool reunion was organized by people on facebook. It has been a great way to connect with long lost friends, old coworkers and even former flames. Renewing friendships has been great!
I have come to the conclusion though, that many of these people were drifting away from me in my past for a reason. With the thrill of finding out what someone has been doing for the last 20 years, comes the realization that we have almost nothing in common. We are best left to being acquaintences - even on Facebook. There have been 2 or 3 people from the past that I have been genuinely happy to rebuild a friendship with, but for the most part the effort has just not been there (on mine *or* their part). Some people have made connections with me (asking me to friend them) and have never once interacted with me. Never said hi, and not once have bothered to find out how I'm doing - beyond what they can discover on their own I guess. That has been rather disillusioning for me.
Truly there are only about a handfull of people that interact with me on a regular basis. Out of 200+ friends on Facebook, there are probably less than 20 people that chat with me on a daily basis. Of those 20, I'd say 80% live nearby. Ironically I can go and visit them in person and not spend more than about 30 mins getting to their place. There are others that tend to be a once per month kind of interaction and some are longer than that. At least we make the effort with each other and I'd still like to stay in touch with them too.
Yes Facebook gives me a handy way to keep tabs on distant relatives and friends. Especially friends that I would like to spend more time with but can't because they live too far away. I'll miss that. Family photo's and the quick update on their health, jobs, and activities all are fun things to do on Facebook. It's like having access to an updated Christmas Card all year round. Still there are other ways to stay in contact. Email is still handy, and I have a blog to update, plus I drift in and out of Twitter which provides some of the same perks. I'll miss facebook, but there are other ways to stay in touch with those that really want to stay in touch with me too. :o)
Lastly the add-ins and extras of Facebook lost their appeal many, many months ago. I no longer play any of the games that facebook has to offer and I am constantly clicking ignore on requests to join them. I am constantly clicking hide on activities (like mafia wars, farmville and others) that keeping cluttering my news feed and I rarely post albums of photo's for people to look at or comment on. I don't seem to have that paternal instinct so despite being happy for new parents, I really don't get excited about baby pictures they post. It's then that I realize most people probably feel the same way about the pictures I post of my bathroom renno's or deck. lol
My friend, Mary, recently tagged me in a link to a video that parodies "Facebook in Real Life". I found the youtube version if you want to watch it. It really sums up how inane Facebook can be! There's a second vid someone else put together that does the same thing but from a different perspecitve.
It's not easy to leave Facebook, that is for sure. It's like breaking up with someone. There's a few reasons to hang on but for the most part you know you'll be better off if you just made a clean break. I'm sure there will be other Social networking sites that will replace Facebook and being the geek that I am, I may just check them out. I'll be a little less reluctant to let people look behind the curtain though so maybe the next one will be a better experience overall.
An example of a very beta/alpha start up is:
One that I read about this morning looks like it has more promise is:
Diaspora looks like it could be a real winner. :o)
Just as people left myspace for facebook, I'm sure there will be a replacement to facebook soon.
Goodbye Facebook, I'm breaking up with you. Shhh shhh shh - don't cry.... it'll be ok. You'll get over me and find someone new to deceive. Calling me names won't change a thing. Please, you're making a scene. No don't call me. I'll be back to get a few of my things and that's it. You're on your own now....
You can't quit. You can only suspend your profile and stop using it. They will retain your information. And you know how much respect they will give it. Sadly, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
ReplyDeleteLove the Eagles reference! :o) Once upon a time I thought you could only deactivate your account too. Then I stumbled upon this wikihow to article that details the steps you need to take to completely delete your account. The key is not to log back in for 14 days or it will reactivate it on you.
ReplyDeletehttp://bit.ly/cBuGIu
Hope that helps! :o)
It truly saddens me just how far the depth of deception goes that Facebook users feel trapped in maintaining their settings (at the very least) because they can't delete. Really glad you posted that link, Jay. I wish more people knew about this, but the message is spreading!!
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you for not being a slave to Social Networking. Life is about quality - and your friends will still connect in other ways just as they always have. You made some really good points as well, with respect to the handful of folks that you actually connected with regularly on FB - you'll find that same handful of friends will follow you where ever you go, whether it be email, twitter, etc. It doesn't matter. There was life before Facebook... and as a reformed FB Addict - 7 days clean and sober - I can tell you that there is indeed life after Facebook. ;)
Proud of you, my friend. Love you much. xo